Philosophy of life Essay Example for Free

Philosophy of life Essay What is the meaning of life? The answer to this question has sought over since mankind became capable of exercising their brain capacity past a level of primal instinct. In general life is rather meaningless, we all simply exist together on this planet. But before one dwells on the pointlessness of human existence, they should think about the purpose of each individual person in our society. We create goals for ourselves; we all have a role to play in our society. In a sense, we choose our future and in doing so, give ourselves a purpose to live. The purpose of human existence in general may be absent, but in our society and through our goals and achievements, I believe each individual creates their own purpose. Through one question I realized this great truth: what do you want to be when you grow up? For the longest time, I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. What did it matter to me anyway? I was a kid (well, I suppose I still am) and didn’t like any of the generic jobs they told us about in elementary school. Police force, teachers, fireman, none of them interested me. Then, in middle school, my life changed, a lot. I got completely new friends, after the old ones left me behind. I slowly started to become more and more enclosed, I spent most of my time out of school alone. As I developed into this over-dramatic teenage state, life suddenly became meaningless. I would often find myself sitting bored in my room, mindlessly surfing the internet or playing videogames. I slowly started to hate it; it was like I could feel my brain melting inside my head. I needed to find a more constructive hobby, and so I found myself musical instruments and started creating more and more music every day. Music became my life and from then on, I knew that my goal, the meaning of my life, was to become a musician. I believe that life was meant to be enjoyed; nobody wants to spend their life in a dead end job. After all, just how much meaning is in an unhappy life? Just ask Monty Python’s John Cleese, who states, â€Å"If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my original plan to graduate and become a chartered accountant, or perhaps a barrister lawyer, and gotten a nice house in the suburbs with a nice wife and kids, and gotten a country club membership, and then I would have killed myself. † I find this quote strongly inspiring because instead of choosing a highly respectable, well paying job and living a comfortable life, he choose to work with some of most popular men to ever wear woman’s clothing. Comedy is what he finds gives meaning to his life, and although his second choices would have been nice, Cleese didn’t find as much value in them as he did in Monty Python. Perhaps life itself is meaningless, but I believe it doesn’t have to be. I believe that a happy life is a meaningful one. I believe that mankind may not collectively have a reason for existence or a common goal, but each individual certainly does. I believe that each and every person has to create their own reason to live, instead of waiting for that reason to come to them, or they must just find themselves waiting forever.

APJ Abdul Kalam Essay Example for Free

APJ Abdul Kalam Essay Introduction A savanna, or savannah, is a grassland ecosystem characterized by the trees being sufficiently widely spaced so that the canopy does not close. The open canopy allows sufficient light to reach the ground to support an unbroken herbaceous layer consisting primarily of grasses.[1][2][3] The oak savanna is a common type of savanna in the Northern Hemisphere. Some classification systems[which?] also recognize a grassland savanna from which trees are absent.[4] This article deals only with savanna under the common definition of a grassy woodland with a significant woody plant component. It is often believed that savannas feature widely spaced, scattered trees. However, in many savannas, tree densities are higher and trees are more regularly spaced than in forest. Savannas are also characterized by seasonal water availability, with the majority of rainfall confined to one season. Savannas are associated with several types of biomes. Savannas are frequently in a transitional zone between forest and desert or grassland. Savanna covers approximately 20% of the Earths land area. Etymology Cerrado savanna, Brazil. Although the term savanna is believed to have originally come from an Arawak word describing land which is without trees but with much grass either tall or short (Oviedo y Valdes, 1535), by the late 1800s it was used to mean land with both grass and trees. It now refers to land with grass and either scattered trees or an open canopy of trees. Spanish explorers familiar with the term sabana called the grasslands they found around the Orinoco River llanos, as well as calling Venezuelan and Colombian grasslands by that specific term. Cerrado was used on the higher savannas of the Brazilian Central Plateau. Distribution Many grassy landscapes and mixed communities of trees, shrubs, and grasses were described as savanna before the middle of the 19th century, when the concept of a tropical savanna climate became established. The Kà ¶ppen climate classification system was strongly influenced by effects of temperature and precipitation upon tree growth, and his oversimplified assumptions resulted in a tropical savanna classification concept which resulted in it being considered as a climatic climax formation. The common usage meaning to describe vegetation now conflicts with a simplified yet widespread climatic concept meaning. The divergence has sometimes caused areas such as extensive savannas north and south of the Congo and Amazon Rivers to be excluded from mapped savanna categories.[5] Barrens has been used almost interchangeably with savanna in different parts of North America. Sometimes midwestern savanna were described as grassland with trees. Different authors have defined the lower limits of savanna tree coverage as 5–10% and upper limits range as 25–80% of an area.[6] Two factors common to all savanna environments are rainfall variations from year to year, and dry season wildfires. In the Americas, e.g. in Belize, Central America, savanna vegetation is similar from Mexico to South America and to the Caribbean. Threats Changes in fire management Savannas are subject to regular wildfires and the ecosystem appears to be the result of human use of fire. For example, Native Americans created the Pre-Columbian savannas of North America by periodically burning where fire-resistant plants were the dominant species.[8] Pine barrens in scattered locations from New Jersey to coastal New England are remnants of these savannas. Aboriginal burning appears to have been responsible for the widespread occurrence of savanna in tropical Australia and New Guinea,[9] and savannas in India are a result of human fire use.[10] The maquis shrub savannas of the Mediterranean region were likewise created and maintained by anthropogenic fire.[11] Prescribed burn; Wisconsin bur oak savanna These fires are usually confined to the herbaceous layer and do little long term damage to mature trees. However, these fires either kill or suppress  tree seedlings, thus preventing the establishment of a continuous tree canopy which would prevent further grass growth. Prior to European settlement aboriginal land use practices, including fire, influenced vegetation[12] and may have maintained and modified savanna flora.[3][9] It has been suggested by many authors[12][13] that aboriginal burning created a structurally more open savanna landscape. Aboriginal burning certainly created a habitat mosaic that probably increased biodiversity and changed the structure of woodlands and geographic range of numerous woodland species.[9][12] It has been suggested by many authors[13][14] that with the removal or alteration of traditional burning regimes many savannas are being replaced by forest and shrub thickets with little herbaceous layer. The consumption of herbage by introduced grazers in savanna woodlands has led to a reduction in the amount of fuel available for burning and resulted in fewer and cooler fires.[15] The introduction of exotic pasture legumes has also led to a reduction in the need to burn to produce a flush of green growth because legumes retain high nutrient levels throughout the year, and because fires can have a negative impact on legume populations which causes a reluctance to burn.[16] Grazing and browsing animals Oak savanna, United States The closed forest types such as broadleaf forests and rainforests are usually not grazed owing to the closed structure precluding grass growth, and hence offering little opportunity for grazing.[17] In contrast the open structure of savannas allows the growth of a herbaceous layer and are commonly used for grazing domestic livestock.[18] As a result much of the worlds savannas have undergone change as a result of grazing by sheep, goats and cattle, ranging from changes in pasture composition to woody weed encroachment.[19] The removal of grass by grazing affects the woody plant component of woodland systems in two major ways. Grasses compete with woody plants for water in the topsoil and removal by grazing reduces this competitive effect, potentially boosting tree growth. In addition to this effect, the removal of fuel reduces both the intensity and the frequency of fires which  may control woody plant species.[21] Grazing animals can have a more direct effect on woody plants by the browsing of palatable woody species. There is evidence that unpalatable woody plants have increased under grazing in savannas.[22] Grazing also promotes the spread of weeds in savannas by the removal or reduction of the plants which would normally compete with potential weeds and hinder establishment.[12] In addition to this, cattle and horses are implicated in the spread of the seeds of weed species such as Prickly Acacia (Acacia nilotica) and Stylo (Stylosanthes spp.).[15] Alterations in savanna species composition brought about by grazing can alter ecosystem function, and are exacerbated by overgrazing and poor land management practices. Introduced grazing animals can also affect soil condition through physical compaction and break-up of the soil caused by the hooves of animals and through the erosion effects caused by the removal of protective plant cover. Such effects are most likely to occur on land subjected to repeated and heavy grazing.[23] The effects of overstocking are often worst on soils of low fertility and in low rainfall areas below 500 mm, as most soil nutrients in these areas tend to be concentrated in the surface so any movement of soils can lead to severe degradation. Alteration in soil structure and nutrient levels affects the establishment, growth and survival of plant species and in turn can lead to a change in woodland structure and composition. Tree clearing Large areas of Australian and South American savannas have been cleared of trees, and this clearing is continuing today. For example until recently 480,000 ha of savanna were cleared annually in Australia alone primarily to improve pasture production.[12] Substantial savanna areas have been cleared of woody vegetation and much of the area that remains today is vegetation that has been disturbed by either clearing or thinning at some point in the past. Clearing is carried out by the grazing industry in an attempt to increase the quality and quantity of feed available for stock and to improve the management of livestock. The removal of trees from savanna land removes the competition for water from the grasses present, and can lead to a two to fourfold increase in pasture production, as well as improving the quality of the feed available.[24] Since stock carrying capacity is strongly correlated  with herbage yield, there can be major financial benefits from the removal of trees,[25] such as assisting with grazing management: regions of dense tree and shrub cover harbors predators, leading to increased stock losses, for example,[26] while woody plant cover hinders mustering in both sheep and cattle areas.[27] A number of techniques have been employed to clear or kill woody plants in savannas. Early pastoralists used felling and girdling, the removal of a ring of bark and sapwood, as a means of clearing land.[28] In the 1950s arboricides suitable for stem injection were developed. War-surplus heavy machinery was made available, and these were used for either pushing timber, or for pulling using a chain and ball strung between two machines. These two new methods of timber control, along with the introduction and widespread adoption of several new pasture grasses and legumes promoted a resurgence in tree clearing. The 1980s also saw the release of soil-applied arboricides, notably tebuthiuron, that could be utilized without cutting and injecting each individual tree. In many ways artificial clearing, particularly pulling, mimics the effects of fire and, in savannas adapted to regeneration after fire as most Queensland savannas are, there is a similar response to that after fire.[29] Tree clearing in many savanna communities, although causing a dramatic reduction in basal area and canopy cover, often leaves a high percentage of woody plants alive either as seedlings too small to be affected or as plants capable of re-sprouting from lignotubers and broken stumps. A population of woody plants equal to half or more of the original number often remains following pulling of eucalypt communities, even if all the trees over 5 metres are uprooted completely. Exotic plant species Acacia savanna, Taita Hills Wildlife Sanctuary, Kenya. A number of exotic plants species have been introduced to the savannas around the world. Amongst the woody plant species are serious environmental weeds such as Prickly Acacia (Acacia nilotica), Rubbervine (Cryptostegia grandiflora), Mesquite (Prosopis spp.), Lantana (Lantana camara and L. montevidensis) and Prickly Pear (Opuntia spp.) A range of herbaceous species have also been introduced to these woodlands, either deliberately or accidentally including Rhodes grass and other Chloris species, Buffel grass (Cenchrus ciliaris), Giant rats tail grass (Sporobolus pyramidalis)  parthenium (Parthenium hysterophorus) and stylos (Stylosanthes spp.) and other legumes. These introductions have the potential to significantly alter the structure and composition of savannas worldwide, and have already done so in many areas through a number of processes including altering the fire regime, increasing grazing pressure, competing with native vegetation and occupying previously vacant ecological n iches.[29][30] Other plant species include: white sage, spotted cactus, cotton seed, rosemary. Climate change There exists the possibility that human induced climate change in the form of the greenhouse effect may result in an alteration of the structure and function of savannas. Some authors[31] have suggested that savannas and grasslands may become even more susceptible to woody plant encroachment as a result of greenhouse induced climate change. However, a recent case described a savanna increasing its range at the expense of forest in response to climate variation, and potential exists for similar rapid, dramatic shifts in vegetation distribution as a result of global climate change, particularly at ecotones such as savannas so often represent.[32] Savanna ecoregions Mediterranean savanna in Alentejo region, Portugal. Savanna ecoregions are of several different types: Tropical and subtropical savannas are classified with tropical and subtropical grasslands and shrublands as the tropical and subtropical grasslands, savannas, and shrublands biome. The savannas of Africa, including the Serengeti, famous for its wildlife, are typical of this type. The Brazilian savanna (Cerrado) is also included in this category, known for its exotic and varied flora. Temperate savannas are mid-latitude savannas with wetter summers and drier winters. They are classified with temperate savannas and shrublands as the temperate grasslands, savannas, and shrublands biome, that for example cover much of the Great Plains of the United States. (See areas such as the Central forest-grasslands transition). Mediterranean savannas are mid-latitude savannas in Mediterranean climate regions, with mild, rainy winters and hot, dry summers, part of the  Mediterranean forests, woodlands, and scrub biome. The oak tree savannas of California, part of the California chaparral and woodlands ecoregion, fall into this category. Flooded savannas are savannas that are flooded seasonally or year-round. They are classified with flooded savannas as the flooded grasslands and savannas biome, which occurs mostly in the tropics and subtropics. Montane savannas are high-altitude savannas, located in a few spots around the worlds high mountain regions, part of the montane grasslands and shrublands biome. The lowland savannas of the Angolan Scarp savanna and woodlands ecoregion are an example.

Arguments in Favour of Single-Sex Schools

Arguments in Favour of Single-Sex Schools The topic on single sex schools has drawn wide and different opinions in the public domain for a long time. Individuals, groups, institutions and authorities have so far presented different thoughts regarding the topic. By definition, the phrase, â€Å"single sex school† means a form of a school where by boys and girls attend different schools. To be precise, single schools implies, girls attending a school that is specifically for girls while boys attending a schools that is specifically for boys. Thus, single school unlike the conventional or rather traditional schools (mixed schools) is an ideology that even though has been in existed for a long time, some people in the community feels it is a good idea that need to be embraced. Meanwhile, there are some people too who feel that girls and boys should learn together in the same school as it will help them develop together as one. Regardless of the many thoughts that have been presented opposing the view, single sex schools w hen implemented, they are good for education. One of the reasons why single sex schools are good for education is that; they create a feeling of safety, encourages students to embrace their lifestyle as well as discouraging any form of distraction in the course of pursuing their dreams through education. There are a number of students whose education has been affected due lack of concentration in class. This is because some students find it so hard to focus when they are in a conventional class. This is a problem that is very common with boys as opposed to girls. Boys tend to lose focus in a class of mixed gender because they will be trying to act different in order to attract their female class mates. Worse still, it is really hard for boys to focus on learning while there are a stream of cute ladies to admire in the same class. Nevertheless, it is important to note also that, this problem does not affect all boys but then the percentage of boys who get distracted from learning because of beautiful girls in class is higher as o pposed to the percentage that does not get affected (The Many Advantages of Single-Sex Schools, n.p). Meanwhile, there are a number of girls who get affected too when in a conventional school. This arises on matters concerning safety. Psychologically, young girls fear being touched physically. This creates fear among them and as such they are not in a position of undertaking their studies in a normal way. On the other hand, female students will feel free and safe if they are enrolled in a female school where by they are encountering fellow girls. This creates confidence and thus s boosts their academic performance, a clear indication that same sex schools are good for education. On top of that, it is also factual that both boys and girls develop different in the process of growing up. This is evident given the fact that, girls develop faster as compared to boys. Moreover, the thinking capacity of ladies grows exponential faster as opposed to that of boys. This indicates that the nee ds of girls are to some extent different from that of boys. Thus, there is need to encourage single sex schools that will help girls and boys understand the needs of their bodies’ well which eventually can be translated to good performance (Single-Gender Classes, n.p). According to Gilbert (par. 5 and 6), the education system has been stormed by females as opposed to males. Gilbert presents his finding that, the number of female administrators in most schools is higher as compared to males in many schools. He also states that, the number of female teachers in mixed schools is higher than those of male teachers. Gilbert also observes that, female students have the ability to observe their emotions well as opposed to students. On top of that girls are also known to be better readers as opposed to boys. Worse still, the current education system tend to emphasize more on cooperation. This leaves boys stranded in their studies, because they prefer more physical actions and competition. In fact, Gilbert asserts that, this type of system favors girls who excel while the performance of boys keep on deteriorating. In his conclusion, Gilbert thus argues that, mixed schools only favors girls as opposed to boys. In his justification, he asserts that, co-ed sch ools affects boys in that they lose attention in learning, as well as ending up suffering from developmental disorders. Thus, Gilbert suggests that, the best way to promote equality in education for both boys and girls is to adopt singe sex schools given that co-ed schools tend to favor girls as opposed to boys. Another view as to why single sex schools are good for education as opposed to co-ed schools is from the point of teachers. Given that the behavior and needs of both boys and girls are different, teachers’ performance is also affected in the process of delivery in class. This sis because, there is no uniformity in terms of approaching different issues in the same class. As such, a teacher must treat a boy different as well as a girl in a unique way too. This affects teachers’ precision. However, embracing singe sex schools, teachers will be able to link their instructions methodology to the behavior of their students and thus good for education (The Many Advantages of Single-Sex Schools, n.p). Meanwhile, an environment plays a great role in student performance. A favorable learning environment contributes to high performance of students as opposed to an unfavorable environment. A relaxed environment is good for a learning set up as opposed to a chaotic environment. This works for both boys and girls. However, one thing that need to be clear is that in co-ed schools, boys and girls try as much as possible to impress one another. In so doing they feel fixed in that they are supposed to act in a manner that attracts one another. In the process, a girl or a boy may fear asking a question because she/he may think it will not impress their opposite sex counterparts. This affects the students in expressing themselves openly and if continues for a long time, it becomes a habit that cannot and will never be erased. Actually it becomes part of their life and accompanies them in the rest of their live. In comparison to single sex schools, students have nobody to impress and as such, they fear less in asking questions, that is an important element in learning. Moreover, the ability to engage with others without feeling intimidated by the gender of the opposite sex spark debates and conversation that enhances education in a positive manner (Kennedy, n.p). Indeed, education is one important gift to both boys and girls. It is through education that boys and girls can be able to achieve their various dreams in life. Thus, there is need to adapt a model that works for both of them. Over time, there has been a debate as to whether single sex schools improve student performance. This debate has drawn a lot of views from the students themselves, parents/guardians, teachers, human support groups as well as the legal authority. Even though there are opposing views concerning the encouragement of single sex schools on the premise that; they tend to separate girls and boys making them fear one another and thus leading to isolation as well as contributing to high level of divorce in the long run, single sex schools are good for education for various reason. One of them is that they encourage a feeling of safety, promotes a feeling of safety as well as avoiding any form of distractions. Another reason is the fact that boys and girls develop differ ently as well the undeniable truth that schools are stormed by females as opposed to males, which makes boys uncomfortable. On top of that, teachers are also more productive in single sex schools as opposed to co-ed schools due to uniformity. Moreover, single sex schools enables students to engage in debates and conversation without any form of gender based intimidation. Works Cited Gilbert, Michael. Single-sex Schools Help Children Thrive. The Christian Science Monitor. The Christian Science Monitor. Web. 4 May 2015. Kennedy, Robert. What Are the Advantages of Single Sex Education? Web. 4 May 2015. Single-Gender Classes: Are They Better? Education World:. Web. 4 May 2015. The Many Advantages of Single-Sex Schools. CRC Health Group. Web. 4 May 2015.

A Pentadic Analysis of Two Pleas for Christian Unity :: Religion Christians Christianity Burke Papers

A Pentadic Analysis of Two Pleas for Christian Unity Introduction The prayer for Christian unity began with Christ, himself (John 1:21), and continues today. This essay proposes to examine two pleas for Christian unity using the rhetorical theory of Kenneth Burke. According to Em Griffin, "Kenneth Burke was the foremost rhetorician of the twentieth century. Burke wrote about rhetoric; other rhetoricians write about Burke" (319). Burke's theory seems especially relevant to the study of pleas for unity because of his focus on identification. For Burke, rhetoric is identification. "You persuade a man only insofar as you can talk his language by speech, gesture, tonality, order, image, attitude, idea, identifying your ways with his" (Rhetoric 55). Additionally, Burke equates identification with consubstantiality. "To identify A with B is to make A 'consubstantial' with B" (Rhetoric 21). The two calls for Christian unity to be analyzed are Thomas Campbell's "Declaration and Address" and E. Glenn Wagner's The Awesome Power of Shared Beliefs. Campbell's address is important because of its historical significance. "This document, which calls for Christian unity through a return to the clear and unambiguous teachings of the New Testament, in many ways chartered the course for the movement the Campbells led" (Hughes 11). Wagner's book is chosen because of the contemporary prominence of the Promise Keepers movement. This essay will proceed by explaining relevant aspects of Kenneth Burke's works, including the methodology to be used, applying the methodology to the two pleas, and discussing the results. Dramatism and the Pentad Burke saw life as a drama played out in our language. By examining the words of a person, you can determine his or her motives. Motives are grammatical creations which explain "what people are doing and why they are doing it" (Grammar x). Foss provides the following explanation: We use rhetoric to constitute and present a particular view of our situation, just as the presentation of a play creates a certain world or situation inhabited by characters who engage in actions in a setting. Through rhetoric, we size up situations and name their structures and outstanding ingredients. How we describe a situation indicates how we are perceiving it, the choices we see available to us, and the action we are likely to take in our situation. (456) The pentad is a the tool used to investigate motives. Burke writes, ". . . any complete statement about motives will offer some kind of answer to these five questions: what was done (act), when or where it was done (scene), who did it (agent), how he did it (agency), and why (purpose)" (Grammar x).

The Devil Of Tom Walker And Th Essay -- essays research papers

Despite the evidence that Washington Irving uses to show his love for America in his stories, he portrays some characters in the Devil and Tom Walker and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow as greedy. Irving shows concern for America by placing stories in uniquely American moments. In this essay I will prove through passages and quotes from Irving's stories that he shows his love for America in his stories and portrays some characters as greedy in the two stories. The historical settings of these stories is made apparent by the use of elements common to the revolutionary era. In The Devil and Tom Walker when Irving is describing the setting he gives an impression that it took place in America. In describing the setting he says, "It had been the stronghold of the Indians during their war with the colonists." Since the war took place in America this is one evidence of his love for America. Another is when Irving is describing the devil and he makes the point that he a particularly American devil. When the devil first meets Tom and the devil is telling him about himself he says, "I amuse myself by presiding at the persecutions of Quakers and Anabaptists; I am the great patron and prompter of slave dealers and the grandmaster of the Salem witches." In The Legend of Sleepy Hollow there are many American traits in the description of the setting. It is said by some to be the ghost of a Hessian trooper, whose head had been car ried away by a...

Essay --

Gilpin observed that the establishment of the World Trade Organization (WTO) on January 1, 1995 as the principal forum for trade liberalization marked the biggest reform of the international trading system since the end of the Second World War. In this paper, I will provide an analysis of the evolution of the international trading system from its inception as the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT) to its incarnation as the World Trade Organization (WTO), taking into account the changing international economic environment and political realities. This paper comprises of three parts. The first part outlines the historical context in the creation of GATT; the second part gives a brief synopsis of its structure and functions, with the third covering the paradigm shift in events that brought into existence the WTO intended to regulate an ever increasingly market-oriented global economy. Established in 1944 and taking its name from the New Hampshire town where the agreements were drawn up, the Bretton Woods conference was a gathering of finance ministers from Allied countries following the end of the Second World War. Under American leadership, the group met to discuss the failings of World War I’s Treaty of Versailles and the creation of a new international monetary system which could fund post war reconstruction, economic stability and facilitate international trade. This conference led to the establishment of two of the most important post war economic institutions, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the International Bank for Reconstruction and Development, now known as the World Bank (An introduction to the WTO and GATT, pp. 42, 2003). Originally, the architects of the international trade system in the post war ... ...requests from other members and notify the WTO of changes to its trading policies. This clause is provided to help improve predictability and stability to the international trading system and discourage the use of quotas and other measures used to limit the quantity of imports. Today, the WTO membership numbers 146 which comprises of approximately 97 per cent of the worlds’ trade (www.WTO.org). The evolution of GATT to the WTO was a significant step towards liberalising markets and ushered in a new era of free trade. Although the WTO is still a relatively young international institution, its origins are rooted in the Bretton Woods conference following the end of World War II. The WTO has evolved to cover areas such as trade in goods and services as well as Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) and continues to provide the key disciplines affecting international trade.

Part Three Chapter II

II ‘Wha' d'you wan'?' Terri Weedon's shrunken body was dwarfed by her own doorway. She put claw-like hands on either jamb, trying to make herself more imposing, barring the entrance. It was eight in the morning; Krystal had just left with Robbie. ‘Wanna talk ter yeh,' said her sister. Broad and mannish in her white vest and tracksuit bottoms, Cheryl sucked on a cigarette and squinted at Terri through the smoke. ‘Nana Cath's died,' she said. ‘Wha'?' ‘Nana Cath's died,' repeated Cheryl loudly. ‘Like you fuckin' care.' But Terri had heard the first time. The news had hit her so hard in the guts that she had asked to hear it again out of confusion. ‘Are you blasted?' demanded Cheryl, glaring into the taut and empty face. ‘Fuck off. No, I ain't.' It was the truth. Terri had not used that morning; she had not used for three weeks. She took no pride in it; there was no star chart pinned up in the kitchen; she had managed longer than this before, months, even. Obbo had been away for the past fortnight, so it had been easier. But her works were still in the old biscuit tin, and the craving burned like an eternal flame inside her frail body. ‘She died yesterday. Danielle on'y fuckin' bothered to lemme know this mornin',' said Cheryl. ‘An' I were gonna go up the ‘ospital an' see ‘er again today. Danielle's after the ‘ouse. Nana Cath's ‘ouse. Greedy bitch.' Terri had not been inside the little terraced house on Hope Street for a long time, but when Cheryl spoke she saw, very vividly, the knick-knacks on the sideboard and the net curtains. She imagined Danielle there, pocketing things, ferreting in cupboards. ‘Funeral's Tuesday at nine, up the crematorium.' ‘Right,' said Terri. ‘It's our ‘ouse as much as Danielle's,' said Cheryl. ‘I'll tell ‘er we wan' our share. Shall I?' ‘Yeah,' said Terri. She watched until Cheryl's canary hair and tattoos had vanished around the corner, then retreated inside. Nana Cath dead. They had not spoken for a long time. I'm washin' my ‘ands of yeh. I've ‘ad enough, Terri, I've ‘ad it. She had never stopped seeing Krystal, though. Krystal had become her blue-eyed girl. She had been to watch Krystal row in her stupid boat races. She had said Krystal's name on her deathbed, not Terri's. Fine, then, you old bitch. Like I care. Too late now. Tight-chested and trembling, Terri moved through her stinking kitchen in search of cigarettes, but really craving the spoon, the flame and the needle. Too late, now, to say to the old lady what she ought to have said. Too late, now, to become again her Terri-Baby. Big girls don't cry †¦ big girls don't cry †¦ It had been years before she had realized that the song Nana Cath had sung her, in her rasping smoker's voice, was really ‘Sherry Baby'. Terri's hands scuttled like vermin through the debris on the work tops, searching for fag packets, ripping them apart, finding them all empty. Krystal had probably had the last of them; she was a greedy little cow, just like Danielle, riffling through Nana Cath's possessions, trying to keep her death quiet from the rest of them. There was a long stub lying on a greasy plate; Terri wiped it off on her T-shirt and lit it on the gas cooker. Inside her head, she heard her own eleven-year-old voice. I wish you was my mummy. She did not want to remember. She leaned up against the sink, smoking, trying to look forward, to imagine the clash that was coming between her two older sisters. Nobody messed with Cheryl and Shane: they were both handy with their fists, and Shane had put burning rags through some poor bastard's letter box not so long ago; it was why he'd done his last stretch, and he would still be inside if the house had not been empty at the time. But Danielle had weapons Cheryl did not: money and her own home, and a landline. She knew official people and how to talk to them. She was the kind that had spare keys, and mysterious bits of paperwork. Yet Terri doubted that Danielle would get the house, even with her secret weapons. There were more than just the three of them; Nana Cath had had loads of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. After Terri had been taken into care, her father had had more kids. Nine in total, Cheryl reckoned, to five different mothers. Terri had never met her half-siblings, but Krystal had told her that Nana Cath saw them. ‘Yeah?' she had retorted. ‘I hope they rob her blind, the stupid old bitch.' So she saw the rest of the family, but they weren't exactly angels, from all that Terri had heard. It was only she, who had once been Terri-Baby, whom Nana Cath had cut adrift for ever. When you were straight, evil thoughts and memories came pouring up out of the darkness inside you; buzzing black flies clinging to the insides of your skull. I wish you was my mummy. In the vest top that Terri was wearing today, her scarred arm, neck and upper back were fully exposed, swirled into unnatural folds and creases like melted ice cream. She had spent six weeks in the burns unit of South West General when she was eleven. (‘How did it happen, love?' asked the mother of the child in the next bed. Her father had thrown a pan of burning chip fat at her. Her Human League T-shirt had caught fire. †Naccident,' Terri muttered. It was what she had told everyone, including the social worker and the nurses. She would no sooner have shopped her father than chosen to burn alive. Her mother had walked out shortly after Terri's eleventh birthday, leaving all three daughters behind. Danielle and Cheryl had moved in with their boyfriends' families within days. Terri had been the only one left, trying to make chips for her father, clinging to the hope that her mother would come back. Even through the agony and the terror of those first days and nights in the hospital, she had been glad it had happened, because she was sure that her mum would hear about it and come and get her. Every time there was movement at the end of the ward, Terri's heart would leap. But in six long weeks of pain and loneliness, the only visitor had been Nana Cath. Through quiet afternoons and evenings, Nana Cath had come to sit beside her granddaughter, reminding her to say thank you to the nurses, grim-faced and strict, yet leaking unexpected tenderness. She brought Terri a cheap plastic doll in a shiny black mac, but when Terri undressed her, she had nothing on underneath. ‘She's got no knickers, Nana.' And Nana Cath had giggled. Nana Cath never giggled. I wish you was my mummy. She had wanted Nana Cath to take her home. She had asked her to, and Nana Cath had agreed. Sometimes Terri thought that those weeks in hospital had been the happiest of her life, even with the pain. It had been so safe, and people had been kind to her and looked after her. She had thought that she was going home with Nana Cath, to the house with the pretty net curtains, and not back to her father; not back to the bedroom door flying open in the night, banging off the David Essex poster Cheryl had left behind, and her father with his hand on his fly, approaching the bed where she begged him not to †¦ ) The adult Terri threw the smoking filter of the cigarette stub down onto the kitchen floor and strode to her front door. She needed more than nicotine. Down the path and along the street she marched, walking in the same direction as Cheryl. Out of the corner of her eye she saw them, two of her neighbours chatting on the pavement, watching her go by. Like a fucking picture? It'll last longer. Terri knew that she was a perennial subject of gossip; she knew what they said about her; they shouted it after her sometimes. The stuck-up bitch next door was forever whining to the council about the state of Terri's garden. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them †¦ She was jogging along, trying to outrun the memories. You don't even know who the father is, do yeh, yer whore? I'm washin' my ‘ands of yeh, Terri, I've ‘ad enough. That had been the last time they had ever spoken, and Nana Cath had called her what everyone else called her, and Terri had responded in kind. Fuck you, then, you miserable old cow, fuck you. She had never said, ‘You let me down, Nana Cath.' She had never said, ‘Why didn't you keep me?' She had never said, ‘I loved you more than anyone, Nana Cath.' She hoped to God Obbo was back. He was supposed to be back today; today or tomorrow. She had to have some. She had to. ‘All righ', Terri?' ‘Seen Obbo?' she asked the boy who was smoking and drinking on the wall outside the off licence. The scars on her back felt as though they were burning again. He shook his head, chewing, leering at her. She hurried on. Nagging thoughts of the social worker, of Krystal, of Robbie: more buzzing flies, but they were like the staring neighbours, judges all; they did not understand the terrible urgency of her need. (Nana Cath had collected her from the hospital and taken her home to the spare room. It had been the cleanest, prettiest room Terri had ever slept in. On each of the three evenings she had spent there, she had sat up in bed after Nana Cath had kissed her goodnight, and rearranged the ornaments beside her on the windowsill. There had been a tinkling bunch of glass flowers in a glass vase, a plastic pink paperweight with a shell in it and Terri's favourite, a rearing pottery horse with a silly smile on its face. ‘I like horses,' she had told Nana Cath. There had been a school trip to the agricultural show, in the days before Terri's mother had left. The class had met a gigantic black Shire covered in horse brasses. She was the only one brave enough to stroke it. The smell had intoxicated her. She had hugged its column of a leg, ending in the massive feathered white hoof, and felt the living flesh beneath the hair, while her teacher said, ‘Careful, Terri, careful!' and the old man with the horse had smiled at her and told her it was quite safe, Samson wouldn't hurt a nice little girl like her. The pottery horse was a different colour: yellow with a black mane and tail. ‘You can ‘ave it,' Nana Cath told her, and Terri had known true ecstasy. But on the fourth morning her father had arrived. ‘You're comin' home,' he had said, and the look on his face had terrified her. ‘You're not stayin' with that fuckin' grassin' old cow. No, you ain't. No, you ain't, you little bitch.' Nana Cath was as frightened as Terri. ‘Mikey, no,' she kept bleating. Some of the neighbours were peering through the windows. Nana Cath had Terri by one arm, and her father had the other. ‘You're coming home with me!' He blacked Nana Cath's eye. He dragged Terri into his car. When he got her back to the house, he beat and kicked every bit of her he could reach.) ‘Seen Obbo?' Terri shouted at Obbo's neighbour, from fifty yards away. ‘Is ‘e back?' ‘I dunno,' said the woman, turning away. (When Michael was not beating Terri, he was doing the other things to her, the things she could not talk about. Nana Cath did not come any more. Terri ran away at thirteen, but not to Nana Cath's; she did not want her father to find her. They caught her anyway, and put her into care.) Terri thumped on Obbo's door and waited. She tried again, but nobody came. She sank onto the doorstep, shaking and began to cry. Two truanting Winterdown girls glanced at her as they passed. ‘Tha's Krystal Weedon's mum,' one of them said loudly. ‘The prozzie?' the other replied at the top of her voice. Terri could not muster the strength to swear at them, because she was crying so hard. Snorting and giggling, the girls strode out of sight. ‘Whore!' one of them called back from the end of the street.